The Gadget Wishlist (Christmas List 2/12)

I was in the mall recently and noticed that Christmas carols were indeed piping through the sound systems. Yes, it's not just me anymore, Christmas is coming!!!

No matter how old we all get, I think the excitement of Christmas eve (or morning, whenever it is you open presents) still lives on. While getting Christmas presents may not seem as important as it was when I was a child, seeing my name in the gift tags of presents stirs up that excitement.

Twenty years ago, my letters to Santa were filled with toys, bicycles, and so on and so forth. Even as a young child, however, I always had an affinity towards electronic gadgets. I remember how Nintendo was always a fixture on those Christmas lists. Now that I am older, I may not write letters to Santa anymore, but if I were to do so, this is what would be in it...


1. An Apple iMac. Being a Mac convert since my friend Sandy introduced her MacBook to me, my mac has become a constant companion. Since I got it almost two years ago, I have been repeatedly wowed by the uniqueness and greatness of the mac. Sure, there are some quirks that can be annoying (i.e. some websites not working with Safari, file transfers and conversions (such as in .ppt) failing, and the like, but overall, it's been great. Let's not even go to the virus discussion!
So, since I don't have a desktop (and even though arguably one might not necessarily need a desktop nowadays) I want an iMac. It's sleek design and system power is way beyond one's expectations. Not to mention, as my cousin Kat says of another Apple product being a status symbol, there's a prestige to having a Mac. Down side to it, not being able to have many of the programs standard Microsoft computers have, particularly because everything in Mac has to be original (ergo, no piracy hehe). I also don't like the fact that I can't play the yahoo games, such as Diner Dash, Chuzzle and the like. Plus, the downside of it all: Price tag, approximately Php 65,000.

2. Speaking of Apple computers, a MacBook Air is also at the tops of my wishlist. While my MacBook is still fabulous, it would be great to have this light-weight counterpart. I haven't heard much raves (nor rants for that matter), but I've seen a few of these on campus (yes, my students have them!). Shempre naglalaway ako sa inggit diba?!? (Of course, this makes me drool with envy). I may give in to getting myself an iMac, but I don't think imagine myself dropping Php 106,000.00 for this. And this, unlike my Havianas fall-out, is something I cannot give in to!!!

3. I will not doubt that the hottest gadget for Christmas this year in the Philippines will be the iPhone. Exclusively serviced by Globe as of now, I can foresee a significant number of new subscribers to this uber cool gadget. My cousin Kat has one, and I try (successfully at that) not to sit too close to her so I don't admire it too much :-) As she describes it, it's sleek, beautiful and with a super large touch screen that's perfect to keep you entertained any time of the day, especially since there are a lot of games and applications available for downloading. Not only are the games fun, it's kinda interactive too, especially since rather than just simply pushing buttons, you can tilt, shake and move the gadget to make the game work (that's the best way I could put it!!!) She also loves the Internet functions. Being a blogger, I think this is what I would love best about it too. However, this wifi capability also appears to be a liability at this time, as it constantly searches for a signal. If no wifi signal is detected, it automatically goes on 3G or other cellular data networks which end up being charged to the subscriber, even though you didn't actually surf the net then. Another liability to this is the lack of a message forwarding function, which can be a hassle, but I think there are applications for this. A friend of mine also commented though about its tendency to suddenly hang. Whatever the case is, I still love it! But Globe's present price tag (which is almost 40k) is a little too much to swallow. I'll take the iMac nalang! Plus the biggest drawback: it's too hard to text while driving, tense or, as Kat says: drunk!!! hehe. Then again, maybe that is a good thing. Whatchathink?!? :-)

4. Since the iPhone is too expensive, I can settle for an iTouch :-)

5. Here's my first none Apple gadget: a Sony Cybershot camera. I haven't really decided which model, but I like the one with a stylus. I don't know if it has anything to do with it, but my friend Summer's camera is a Cybershot and her Davao pictures were so beautiful! Maybe it's the smile shutter feature or what not, or maybe it was her artistic eye, but whatever it is, her pictures were great. Maybe it was a confluence of factors hehe! Even though I love my Olympus underwater camera, a Sony Cybershot is still a Sony Cybershot. Plus it comes in red :-) Downside is it's not waterproof, which is why I chose Olympus when I got a camera earlier this year.

6. Wii Fitness. This summer my brothers brought home a Wii from the States. I've enjoyed the Wii Sports a lot, especially the tennis game, but I think the Wii fitness would be a great way to lose weight...again. Haha. I remember when I first tried to get in shape, I used the Dance, Dance Revolution game of the Playstation, the one with a dance pad. My challenge then was to get the Butterfly song perfect!

7. A wireless phone for my room :-) A good, decent one for that matter. As basic as it is, I would love to have one even though I don't use the phone so much because the one I have right now is so frustratingly inaudible!

8. A digital reader. I saw this recently on the news and it seems to be a great gadget. It holds .pdf files and has a great memory. Although I don't see myself using this for reading journal articles hehe.

9. A flatscreen, digital LCD television. For all couch potatoes, this is self-explanatory :-)

10. A Sony HD digital video camera, those being featured in the Amazing Race Asia. So small, compact and powerful. I've never had a video cam before, and this would absolutely be a winner. To be fair, my digital cam can take videos as well.

11. I don't know if one of these gadgets actually exist as of now, but my dream gadget is a voice recorder that automatically transfers audio files to a computer, not only as .wav or .mp3 file, but transcribed into a .txt or .doc file!

12. A magic wand. Well, I can't think of anything else, but I bet there are so many more gadgets out there that I would love. So the magic wand will allow me to conjure these up!

What about you, what's on your gadget wish list?

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Teacher is Getting Old.

Today I felt so old.

I guess for the most part, I don’t feel all of my twenty-nine years…I don’t even dress the part most of the time! I still watch the Disney Channel, I like lollipops and still have a penchant for the Super Mario video game. Today, however, I realized, I am indeed almost 30.

What led to this realization?

Well, for one I had to run up and down six flights of stairs today, twice, in order to settle my classroom mix-up. I used to be able to do that without getting winded, but today, I could barely breathe!!!

To be fair, today wasn’t the first time I said I was getting old. When I’m with my preschoolers, I am starting to find it difficult to keep up, especially during Music and Movement. Running after a bunch of toddlers is not as easy as it used to be!

What took the cake was when I decided to show the film Dangerous Minds (with Michelle Pfiffer) to my college students today. None of them had heard about it! It was such a big hit back when in the day! Then I realized it first came out when I was still in high school. And yes, that wasn’t just yesterday.

As I watched the movie with the students, I couldn’t help but cringe at the fashion and laugh at what we once thought was cool. It also occurred to me how far technology has gone in the past 12 years. There was a scene where a student was carrying a boom box and dancing in the streets with his pants hanging lowly the way the hip-hoppers of my time used to. One girl even pulled out a camera…yup, the black, square ones that you have to peer through to take photos. Even the cinematography was so much different!

What struck me most, however, was how different teaching has become in the past twelve years. I suppose I see this first hand in the classes I teach, but seeing it for myself solidified my assertions that the learning process is different now from the, both in good and bad ways. Nowadays, as long as you have technology on your side, you can get the classes attention. Then, teaching was really a hands-on activity: you had to work hard to be creative, without the aid of technology. Research was different as well, as one needed to spend so much time in the library, as compared to today where everything is online.

One thing that remains, however, is that teaching is never for the money. It is, and always will be, for the love of the craft.

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How Blogging Has Changed My Life

In the past few months, I seem to have gotten bitten by the blogging bug. Hard.

I started this blog way back in 2005, but never had the interest or attention to sustain the task. If you'd go through my archive, you'd see I started out like many other bloggers had: ranting, raving and just journalling online about the daily grind.

However, ever since my friend Janine got me involved in the blog world, I've discovered a whole new side of myself, and of others as well. Because of blogging, I've seen a change in the way I see things, and think about things around me too. I used to think blogging was all self-promotion and narcissism. I see now that blogging is a confluence of ideas, discussions and different POV's.

It's amazing how the world wide web, especially through these blogs, have made the world so much smaller. I learned that what happens in one end of the world affects other parts as well, much like ripples in a lake when you drop a stone in it.

On a personal level, I've learned to appreciate the value of patience and perseverance. Although I've always known these were essential traits in life, I always used to say patience is a virtue I can often live without. Not! Blogging reminds me of this. Especially since I am one of the few broadband hold-outs hehe.

I don't think anyone can deny how addicting and time-consuming blogging can get. I've had to exercise (or at least try to exercise) impulse control, self-regulation and the like in order to still be grounded with the real world (i.e. work. more work. and still more work. not to mention a darned thesis). As such, something I've had to learn is the art of self-control. Still working on this though!!!

Not withstanding blogging also has done a lot of "bad" for me...it's made me hole up in my room until the wee hours of the morning,and it's made me a certified couch potato. Not to mention all the food reviews have made me on the look-out for all the yummyness!!!

In any case, good or bad, blogging has really changed my life. So, go blog!

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FREE trumps SALE anyday!!!!

I used to say SALE was my favorite word, especially when it comes to fashion. Midnight Madness Sales, end-of-season sales, 3-day sales, holiday sales, any sales were always an exciting event for me.

However, as I've made my way through this blogging world, I realize there is a better word than sale: FREE. I never realized how much free stuff there is out there, and how simple it is to get them.

One example of a great freebie is the mug I got from Jonel's Something Sweet and More Blog.

Another one is the free case of coke from the Buhay Coke party a few months back. Plus of course the free dinner, drinks and fun night during the blogger party. Too bad I missed the second party!

One freebie I'll never forget is the free ticket to the D-Cinema Launch at SM North Edsa's the Block. Admittedly, Journey to the Center of the Earth was not really something I would have planned to see, the digital effects of this 3D movie were simply AMAZING!

Of course there's also that controversial What's your Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf story mug.


Anyway, this time there's a new FREEBIE I'm so looking forward to! What girl can resist a free handbag, after all? :-) Hopefully by October 15, this will be mine!!!!

My soon-to-be-bag hehehe!

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Of Books and Technology

After dinner this evening, my nine-year old niece showed me a book and asked if I had read it. I said No, I haven't. Funny, because it was the second time I was asked today I was asked if I had read a pocket book. Now that I think about it, it's kinda sad that I haven't read so many of the popular pocketbooks of today. For one, I have not even read the Harry Potter series! I have, however, seen all the Harry Potter films! It's sad because when I was younger, not having read a book would be the last thing one would ever hear from me. Before the advent of Powerbooks and Fully Booked (where you can actually sit and read the book in leisure), I would spend countless hours lurking around various bookshelves in Goodwill bookstore (at the old North Mall (if I remember it right!) where the Ayala center is now). Since we lived in Urdaneta Village, I'd walk to the mall every Saturday morning, after breakfast, and stay there till about 6PM, just reading book after book.

Nowadays, I seem to find myself limited to reading in the bathroom.

Because of today's modern technology, it seems to me many children are not reading anymore. As a teacher, I see a lack of love for books by most, especially since these books have to compete with television, gadgets, and computer games. While this may be the sad truth, it is very encouraging to see a new item out on the market, which encourages the development of English and reading skills. Welcome, the Easy English PSL.

While it is mainly designed to improve English, it highly encourages reading as part of the development of the language. This modern day audiobook, if I may call it as such, is not like the typical audiobook that you can upload to your Ipod, as it still includes the words that are being read out loud so you can follow along. Further, it has beautiful illustrations that make harness a multi-modal approach to learning (meaning both visual and auditory learners can benefit from it).

The downside to the gadget, however, is that as of now, there is a limited selection of stories it presents. Also, it is more for kids to adolescents, so maybe adults may not necessarily enjoy it (but they still can!!!).

So while it is true technology has become so much bigger than us, we can embrace it and use it to still remain true to the core competencies needed in life, especially reading and the love of books.

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12 lists of Christmas (1/12)

In keeping with my anticipation of Christmas, I've decided to come up with 12 lists. Each list will feature a series of ideas, gift items, traditions, and the like. Hopefully I manage to complete these by the time mid-December sets in. Hopefully, too, I manage to think of 12 points for each list. As of now it sounds easy, but as I try to sit down and think of it, it's not as easy as it seems!

To start it off, nonetheless, here are 12 Christmas songs that never herald the holidays for me.

1. I Miss You (Most at Christmastime) by Mariah Carey. This never fails to make me tear up. It reminds me of my Lolo so much. I guess I can resonate so much to this song too. It's so true that for most of the year, the memory of Lolo comes and goes, but at Christmastime, it hits hard.

2. What Are You Doing New Years Eve, Vonda Shepherd's version. Vonda's haunting voice and the way the song is arranged always gets this song stuck in my head.

3. Merry Christmas, Darling by the Carpenters. Greeting cards have all been sent, the Christmas rush is through, but I still have one wish to make....*sigh*. This song reminds me of my papa. For most of my life, Christmas was always a holiday without him. Every year, he would send me cards and call and wish me a Merry Christmas Darling.

4. I'll be Home for Christmas. Close on the heels of Merry Christmas, Darling for the same reason. I remember one time, my dad came home as a surprise. I was playing with my Nintendo, then the doorbell rang. I was so inis that my mom insisted I open the gate when the maid could have done it. To my surprise, there he was, singing, I told you I'll be home for Christmas :-)

5. My Grown-up Christmas List, the Michael Buble version. Beautiful words, wonderful singer, what more can one ask for.

6. The Christmas Song, any version. Perhaps this is the quintessential Christmas carol of all time. Wouldn't you agree? Just hearing this song piping through the airwaves brings flashes of red, green and everything Christmas.

7. Have Yourself a Little Christmas. I just love it. It's such a peaceful and calming tune. For some reason, it's words remind me to just let all the crap go and welcome the holidays.

8. Santa Can You Hear Me. Britney's teeny-booper Christmas carol is always a joy to hear, as it brings back fond memories of my preschoolers Christmas parties. We sang this on two separate occasions!

9. Santa Baby, the Ally Mc Beal version. Ally, in a short red Santa suit, traipsing around singing Santa Baby...how can you not smile??? Plus the melody is so cute.

10. It Came Across A Midnight Clear by Sixpence None The Richer. Funny, but this song I love not because of the holidays, but because of the episode in Grey's Anatomy where it was played :-) Since then I've loved it.

11. Where are You Christmas by Faith Hill. If I'm not mistaken, this was from the soundtrack of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It's a beautiful sounding song. I have to admit, however, that the lyrics are kinda sad.

12. Tenk u, tenk u, ang babait ninyo tenk u! Merry Christmas po! Okay, okay, this may not be a Christmas carol, but no caroling session would be complete without this line! It's a heart-warming memory for me, especially since every Christmas time, my cousin and I would be slaving away in her kitchen baking our Christmas goodies and several street kids would come and pound on the gate for the traditional caroling. One Christmas, we had so much chocolate crinkles (I think I miscalculated the recipe, hehe) and so we handed it out to the carolers.

So, there's my first list of 12. What's your Christmas carol?

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So Much for Pride.

Today I swallowed my pride. I'm not so sure I like the way it tastes, but I have to admit, I'm not so sure I don't like it either. For the longest time, I swore I would never bow down to capitalism...I would not waste a thousand bucks for a pair of tsinelas, kahit anong tatak pa man yan. But today, lo and behold, the call of the credit card was louder than ever.

And so I gave in.

So here I am, contemplating the consequences of my actions. I got to thinking, does this mean I've really lost all sense of paninindigan? Or did I once again fall prey to my unconscious need for control and affirmation?

The very first pair of Havianas I owned was a flowery purple pair. It was a gift from my best friend Cookie. Everytime my brother asks me to get him a pair of Havianas (or any branded item for that matter) I give him this whole litany of how brands are just brands and that we shouldn't get so caught up in it. He always would throw the fact of my owning purple Havianas to my face. I would retort I didn't buy it naman e!

But now, I have no more excuse.

Oh crap.

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Beyond Determination

Sometimes there comes a point in time when one has to accept defeat. In this case, I wouldn't say defeat was a bad thing....

I used to to believe giving up or accepting defeat was a sign of weakness. I often equated it to being a loser, or something of that sort. However, the other day I had to admit to myself that this time, taking a step back is wiser than forcing my way through such a difficult task in the face of time constraints.

So even though this means goodbye Italy, I have to say, maybe next time. At this present moment, dogged determination is not enough to pave my way to that dream destination.

Sometime ago I came across an invitation to a convention in Italy on Health Psychology. As I browsed the flyer, I saw that the theme, more succinctly, one of the areas for presentation, was about my thesis topic, which I successfully defended earlier this year. I admit that I have lost steam with the thesis, and once again I put it on hold, but when I saw the flyer, I started getting excited again, and motivated to work through it.

However, as my adviser so aptly said, sh** happens, and things kinda got piled up and the thesis got pushed to the back-burner. And because I only decided to buckle up and do it so recently, I have to face the facts that no matter how determined I am to make it to Italy, time does not permit it.

I guess the lesson here really isn't giving up, but maybe to really stop putting things off till tomorrow. Many times, though, it is so much easier said than done.

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It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Oh yes, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Christmas carols playing every now and then, the rush of shoppers starting to invade the stores, and yes, Christmas decors plastered all over. I recently went to one of my favorite stores, Living Well in MOA and saw a whole bunch of Yuletide cheer scattered around.

There is one thing, however, I am looking most forward to. To me, that is the go-signal that Christmas is indeed upon us:

The Starbucks Planner. Not only do I love (insanely for that matter: I know there are so many more affordable planners but the Starbucks planner, thats a whole other story!) the planner, it comes with my two most favorite drinks: the Peppermint Mocha Frappucino and the Toffee Nut Latte.

Yum!!! So much as Christmas is always a bittersweet holiday for me, I can't help but sing along with Alvin and the Chipmunks...Christmas don't be late!!!!

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Almost Thirty.

In the past few months, I have been facing the fact that in a few days, I will officially be six months away from the big 3-0. For the most part I still feel like I used to, back in the day, and I often forget that I am no longer as young as I used to be. However, on occasion, I do start to feel that I am indeed getting older.

Anyway, with this whole "facing-thirty-psuedo-quarter-life-crisis" crap going on, I got to thinking about the things I want to do before I do turn that cornerstone.

It's not that I have a lot of regrets, albeit it would be a lie to say there are none. But for the next six months, here are some things I want to be able to do:

1. Lose weight. A few years ago, I was down to almost 120pounds. That was a big feat for someone who was almost 220 pounds at one point. However, becoming lax with my diet led to...well...obviously more weight!!!

2. Learn French. The French language has always been an interest of mine. But never had time to learn it. Maybe six months is pushing it to really learn a language, so maybe to be more realistic I'd say I'd like to learn at least some basic phrases in French. Then again, maybe Italian is more like it!

3. Go back to the Beach with Bubba. Oh, this has been a long waiting desire. It's been months since our beach adventure and I would love to do it again. Maybe now that gas prices are lower...but then I still don't have the spare money for it hahaha!

4. Attend another bloggers event. While this may be "babaw", it's been interesting.

5. Meet someone new. I'm not necessarily talking "Mr.Right Forever" here...but maybe some new Mr. would be nice :-)

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Smile even if it kills you..

My tita loves the song "Smile". When things are rough, she always hums it under her breath.

Lately I've been catching myself doing just that. Many times it helps. Occasionally, however, even the hope the song promises makes it difficult to smile. As I try to believe in the power of smiling through crappiness, the taunting whisper of doubt suddenly becomes deafening...it says "yeah right", and goes even further with "sinong niloloko mo diyan"...

But even with that...I'll try to keep on smiling. Even if it kills me!

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Dark Nights of the Soul

If you asked me before what depression was, I would have given you a long list of symptoms. I would have given you some highphaluting explanation of what it was all about and what are possible reasons for it happening. At the back of my head, however, in the deepest creases of my heart, I would have been saying it was a ridiculous construct, a poor excuse for a weak individual who was not making sense. I would have thought to myself that people who were depressed were not trying hard enough to feel better.

It was not until I went met Depression did I actually understand what it was all about.

Depression is not just a state of mind. Unlike my initial assumptions (grossly unfair assumptions I might add, especially given that I am a psychologist), I now know that it is not simply a matter of perspective. When a depressed person says "I can't get out of bed", I know it's true. The emptiness, the loneliness, the irrational thoughts: they are all real to the one experiencing it.

It is a painful and often debilitating illness. When left untreated, it can eat away at the very core of one's being. It tears away at the foundations of one's reality, it beats down the strength and power one has for herself, and it shatters all sense of normalcy one holds on to. Worst of all, it takes away one's ability to believe. To hope. To love.

If you ask me now to describe depression, I can say it is truly like, borrowing Thomas Moore's description of sadness, depression and troubles that come into our lives, a dark night of the soul. It felt to me like one day I woke up and the sun was gone. In it's place was a dark shadow, hanging heavily and ominously over every waking hour. Every day in that period of my life was a long, dark, starless night.

If I were to give you a picture of what my depression was like, I would tell you to imagine a dark, heavy cloud in the sky, just like those sudden rain clouds that come out of nowhere on a bright day sky. It suddenly covers the brightness around and casts a greyness on everything. In the core of the cloud is a dense darkness where not even a sliver of light can pass through. The rest of the cloud is also dark, but of varying shades of gray.

During that dark night of my soul, I could not think or see straight. I stopped being who I was. In the midst of it, it was like standing in the eye of a storm. There was an eerie calmness while everything around spun like mad. The thing is, that calmness was only around when I was curled up in bed, pulled away from the world around me. Then, I finally understood what people with depression were saying. I started to realize it really was more than just mindset, or attitude.

In the beginning, when that darkness first crept in, I tried desperately to make it go away. I rationalized with it. I denied it. I tried to recreate it. But it did not let me win the fight. Once I stopped fighting so hard, and once I listened to it, it let up. It started to let the sun in again. By giving up, I allowed myself to live again.

This 'giving up' was different from the dejected surrender I had felt at the peak of my depression, where I just gave in to the sadness and pain. I began not to struggle against it, but I didn't just sit in passive surrender. I guess it's not really giving up the battle. In essence, I stopped thrashing around in rebellion or frustration. Rather, I sat still and let it happen. I guess by not struggling so desperately I don't get myself tangled up too much. By letting it have some slack, I'm able to remove the knots and unmesh the ball of confusion I ended up with. By letting it hang, so to speak, I allow it space. And with that little bit of space, there is a way out.

It was a long journey back to daylight, but at the end of the day, I cannot say it was not worth the trip. It took a long time for me to realize it, but that dark night of the soul was an important part of my self-development. While it may not be something I'd wish to go through again, I realize that it was an essential part in my soul making.

During that dark night, I said I stopped being who I was. And I never went back to being her. Instead, bestowed with the gifts of my dark night, I began to become a better me. I stopped being who I used to be, or more succinctly, who I thought I was. Now I am a more authentic and real person, not to anyone else, but to myself.

The darkness, while it has dissipated, still comes every now and then. What I realize now is that fearing this darkness, or facing it head-on in battle, is not the solution. Rather, sitting quietly with it, honoring and respecting it's purpose in my life, allows it to be a source of beauty and strength.

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