November 27, 2005

To be edited....

There's an unmistakable chill in the air nowadays, a sure sign that Christmas is just around the corner. I just can't seem to get myself in the mood for the season...For one, it is at Christmastime that I miss one of the most important people in my life: my lolo. It's been 8 years since he's passed but I still miss him so much, especially in times like this. Secondly, I've been so overwrought with disappointments these passed few weeks that I can't shake off the irrational thoughts that came along with it.

Disappointment is such a bitter pill to swallow, even though you know you must take it to get better. It's so hard to break through the irrational thoughts, the pain and sadness, the regret and longing...I could go on and on. Times like this kinda makes me feel like the world is against me and though in my head I know it isn't so, my heart can't seem to feel the same.

Last week I had to take another dose of that bitter medicine once again, and even though I took it willingly, I couldn't help but feel so badly about it. I just hate it when things don't go the way I planned and when something like that happens, it starts to feel like a top spinning out of control. No matter how hard I try to stop it, the spinning and spiraling goes on leaving me breathless, dejected and lost. To make it worse, one thing leads to another thus complicating the situation. It's like one bad thing leads to another than to another than to another.

I can't even get my thoughts straight for this post, so I'll end it with this first. Where's my silver lining when I need it???

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