November 4, 2005

Ratty Old Rags

In my closet is a ratty old pair of Pooh underwear that I've had for the longest time. For some reason, I still can't throw it out. Before your imagination gets the better of you, let me qualify my statement: it's not like Pooh is a rag or really frumpy, it's just big and a bit thinned out already from wear and tear. It's not like it's all butas-butas (has holes in it), but it's gotten to the point that it's quite see-through and really, really comfy! It's the kind of thing you pull out on a day that you kinda feel low, or perhaps just want to zone out. I love putting it on whenever it's that time of the month because it's so comfortable, which helps when you're all cramped up and cranky.

When I first lost my "twin" (a.k.a. my jaw-dropping eighty pound weight loss) I got rid of all my "fat" clothes, but not Pooh! He's still there. Lately, I kinda feel like that pair of underwear.

You know how it's like...when it's all new and pretty, it's worn almost as soon as it's out of the wash. But as it gets older and newer, prettier things come out, it gets left inside the drawer and brought out only once in a while.

I feel like a ratty, old rag nowadays because my friends are all so busy and caught up with their own lives that feel like I've been left inside that drawer more and more frequently. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame my friends (or their boyfriends for that matter) for them not having time to share with me. In fact, I'm sure when I am in my own relationship again as well, I might do the same thing. I may understand completely, but that doesn't change the fact that I miss them and the fun we had hanging out over endless cups of Starbucks.

I kinda felt like that today. I really needed to get a new pair of shoes. As in desperately need a new pair. Lecturing for three and a half hours in my stilletos are killing me already. So since I was in the Cubao area getting some important documents from the clinic, I decided to ask my friends to come with me and help me find a pair of shoes in Galleria. Granted that I asked them quite late, they already had plans. Again, let me say I didn't mind that they had plans, nor did I resent them. It just stank that I was (once again) left alone.

I never used to feel this way. In fact, when I was growing up (until now I guess), I was a bit of a loner. I had a lot of friends, but very few got to know the real me. I did everything on my own and managed well. It was so much easier to do things that way. No need to answer to anyone, worry about anyone, think about anyone...or be disappointed by anyone. Then sometime in therapy, I realized it was so much nicer to have friends around and that even if I run the risk of "rejection", it's worth it. Days like this though make me wonder what I was thinking...sure it was a little, itty-bitty thing...but nonetheless, I kinda felt that little sting of rejection today. Irrational, maybe. Premenstrual, highly likely. Overly sensitive, I guess. Bottom line is I just miss the whole gang.

There is a bright spot to this dismal feeling I'm having today, though. Just as that ratty old rag gives me comfort when it does make it's way out of the closet, I'm sure that when we do get together, the comfort and harmony of our friendship will still be there. And not just that, I know that no matter how many new things come into this closet, I am here to stay. I don't think a lacey new thong can say the same with 100% certainty!

4 stars twinkling:

Puffstitch 11/05/2005 12:10:00 PM  

I can relate to "old favorites" in the bottom drawer. I have had to throw away a couple of the ones that fell apart like tissue paper. And friends, well I haven't had many. They have come and gone and most all have not left a forwarding address. But they get married, have children, and immerse themselves in investing the only time they have, with there families. But I realized one day that I had friends whom I knew and were there all the time. I just found my sister again, although she had been right around the corner all the time. I knew she was there, but I didn't put 'sister' and 'friend' together in my head. I was longing for a friend, and I turned around, and saw my sister. I should have looked right there, all along, in my own family circle. She and I finally had time to spend, together. Now that we are at the top of the hill, we can descend, arm in arm, together. Perhaps we will take small steps, and pause to take in the scenery, on the trip down. So, don't forget to check, sometimes we need peripheral vision to see who's standing next to us.

Puffstitch 11/05/2005 12:13:00 PM  

Oh, by the way, thank you for commenting on my blog! Did you check out my other one? You can view my profile and click on the link that says 'my other blog'. I think you might like the poetry even if you don't crochet.

doubleknot 11/05/2005 01:42:00 PM  

I had to smile at keeping things till they fall apart. I have a habit of finding something comfortable and wash and wear over and over. Even my room mate commented on the fact that I was wearing the same clothes all the time - this is not from lack of clothes - I have a closet full. I went somewhere with my sister one day and said 'see different clothes' and told her what my room mate had said - she too had noticed I was wearing different clothes. But they can't talk me out of my dusters I wear around the house.
I have to comment on your weight loss - wow - I don't have as much weight to lose but quite a lot. I am losing it slowly - it is hard to exercise when your knees are hurting all the time.
I read my sister's comments to you - we had drifted apart - busy with our own families and lives and have just discovered each other and have become friends. There is a cycle to life - we go through different stages - if we can make it through there are bound to be better things at the other side.
My Pancit turned out delious. If you have book marked my blog you can read about it on there or just go to search for doubleknot. I also have another blog I mostly gossip on - just life. If you view my profile you will see it there.
My sister is so talented - she writes poems and has this blog thing almost all figured out.

doubleknot 11/07/2005 11:48:00 PM  

Old favorites revisited - I got to looking at my underwear and some is too small some just worn out - my check came in so I treated my self to six new pair of underwear. Three el cheapos and three pairs of Just My Size and do they feel nice. Guess I will be washing and wearing now.
Have to clean out my closets and be just really hard on myself - I will donate them to my mother's church. If I could only lose a little more weight I could fit into a lot of them. Just don't take my house dresses away. I had a duster on the other day when the little ones came over and Jerrica wanted to know why I still had my nightgown on and I had to explain to her it was a house dress. Learned about wearing them in the Philippines and they are so comfortable after you have work regular clothes all day or you just want to slip into something comfortable when you wake up.

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