November 5, 2005


I was just thinking today about family...more particularly of sisterhood. I recently "lost" my sister to the land of dreams (a.k.a. the land of the free and the home of the brave). Since yesterday's ratty old day, I realized that I do miss my sister a lot. I miss having someone to make utos (ask favors from) or someone to gripe about my lousy day, or to take out my frustration on...etcetera etcetera. It rang especially true today. I was in the clinic earlier and right below it is a Starbucks (this whole working scenario may not be such a brilliant idea...I end up getting another cup of that expensively yummy coffee!!!). When I went in to get my coffee, I was so glad to see that their Christmas promo had started ---for every coffee you get, you get a sticker and when you collect 21, you get this really cute planner. I've been doing it for three years now and what hit me is this time, I gotta do it alone. My sister isn't here to add to my card anymore...

Another reason I missed my sister today is because of these sweet pair of sisters who keep tabs on my blog. I was thinking (before reading their latest posts) that they were so lucky they had a good relationship and that they actually had fun togeter. It was a comfort (well, that may not be the right word to contextualize it...sorry!) to read that they were not as close as they are now growing up. Makes me hopeful that fifteen, twenty years from now, my sister and I would be like them.

Much as I miss my sister, I won't deny that in someways, I'm glad she's gone. She and I never really had a great relationship, but we were always there for each other. Still, having her gone is a relief because when we were together, it was like Pinatubo erupting daily!!! Now that she's gone, we are in better terms. Better coz we actually "talk" now --- no longer about what needs to be done, what bills to pay, etc but about what we think, feel and hope.

Another reason I'm glad she's gone is because she is there living her dreams. I am lucky that I am living mine here. If she stayed, she'd never spread her wings and embrace her dreams. I guess you can say we were dreaming on different ends of a rainbow. Like rainbows, we may not always see the end, but we know that somewhere, somehow, we'll make it to the top of the rainbow and see that all this time, we were in the same one.

1 stars twinkling:

doubleknot 11/06/2005 07:49:00 PM  

First I would like to tell you what a pleasure it is reading your blog. I only wish I could express myself half as much as you do.
There have been times in my life when I was cut off completely from my family. A bad marriage was one of those times. My ex kept me isolated from any family and friends. I did manage to go with my Aunt some and she always had me home before my son came home from school and my ex from work.

I hope you find one special friend - they don't come along often. My sister and I are in new stages of our lives. I love my sis and if it hadn't been for her taking me to the doctor about my knee I don't know what I would have done. I have a cyst on the back of my knee - the doctor operated and smoothed my joint bones out but the cyst keeps comming back. I like Sis to go in with me because I am in pain and have taken a pain pill - ugh - she asks questions I want to ask but forget. She has such a calming influnce on me. I smoke - bad me - but when I am with my Sis I don't even think of smoking - now that is a calming effect.
Keep your hopes up you never know when a friend may pop up.

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