March 21, 2009

Down the Beaten Path.

Looking ahead I can't help but feel like I've wasted so much...time, effort, money...myself. Every year, just about this time, I get an overwhelming feeling of being stifled and stuck, no matter how good things are. Must be the birthday blues. This year, however, it seems it's coming earlier than usual. Perhaps it's especially pronounced now because I'm turning 30 and as I take stock of my life, part of me has to admit I'm not happy with many me the choices I've made. It's not really that I regret them, but to some extent, I can't help but wonder what if I did things differently. For example, much as I love my jobs and what I do, I can't really say I've built a good financial future from it. It makes me think whether or not I should consider my options, such as teaching in the US. Perhaps heightening the feeling of being stuck and all is the constant reminder, especially now that my friends are getting married and having kids left and right, of my lack of a love life, plus of course the sound of my biological clock ticking. To be fair, I love how my social life is going now, but it still gets lonely at times without a love to call my own. Like I said, I'm generally happy with my life, but whenever the clock winds down to my birthday, it's like the curtain draws to a close. As sure as there's a next act to follow, I am stuck between looking forward and looking back.

1 stars twinkling:

kuting 3/29/2009 11:48:00 PM  

hi teacher! feeling the same way too... a friend told me that in time, i will find out what's in store for me... and i am anxiously waiting!

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