March 30, 2006

Walking Down the Aisle...

Yesterday I once again wiled away time even though I knew I had so much to do. As I sat in front of my computer desperately trying to get my thoughts together for some (or should I say "all"...)the work I had to accomplish, I aimlessly surfed through blog after blog and friendster account after friendster dawned on me that so many of my friends have updated their profiles and changed their pictures...while I am happy to see how backgrounds change from the ordinary day to day to beautiful sights of tourist spots they're in, to new mommies and daddies proudly showing off their babies or perhaps, showing off their children's latest accomplishments, and yes, to radiant brides walking down the aisle and kissing their handsome princes, I couldn't help but suddenly feel a sad sort of longing....not longing really for what they have, but longing for that thing that will make my heart sing again. It's not necessarily a new love I am longing for, I think...but for that feeling of giddy anticipation and bright-eyed wonder. I seem to have forgotten that. In my quest to be the best in what I do and to accomplish things I thought I wanted to, I forgot to embrace the present and smile at the new day. In many ways, I started wandering aimlessly around a world I knew nothing of.

In the midst of that lonely moment of longing, I saw a glimmer of a rainbow that hid behind the clouds for such a long time. You see, I hadn't seen that for so long. It dawned on me that all the while it was there but I kept trying too hard and too much for it to be the color I wanted it to be. I kept on criticizing and complaining that it was not the right shade or it wasn't the right shape, without realizing that I was missing out on the beauty it still had.

So there it was, I was feeling sad and teary-eyed wishing for things I didn't have without being glad for what it was I had. And so while I offer my congratulations and best wishes to friends and family who are "walking down the aisle" --- be it in marriage, at work or whatever phase they are in in their own journeys, I too take pride in donning my finest and walking down my aisle...wherever that may lead.

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