*sigh* finally trying to get back on track. somewhat successfully i might add! still haven't finished writing up my reports (not even half way through for crying out loud) but nevertheless starting to get there. bookworms' back on too! at least now i'm blogging away...somewhat more productive then yesterday!
...click to continue reading...I think I figured out why I've been stuck on pause for quite sometime. I think it's cause I'm still in love with a dream...a dream that I can't (or should I say haven't?) let go of, inspite knowing I should.
Talk about oxymorons, huh? A daydream believer who should let go of a dream...let me put it in context...it's one thing to dream, it's another to hold on to a fantasy. It seems to be a dream I can't wake up from. Well, at least yet.
I better shake it off soon...as they say in Tagalog, bangungot na ito!
it's 6pm and i still have yet to get started on things i should have finished two weeks ago. it's so damned annoying. i'm not usually like this!!! in fact, i'm so o.c. when it comes to work. however, for some inexplicable reason, i kinda feel like i've been on pause for the longest time. i can't get myself started again. imagine a wind-up toy that ran out of power...can someone please wind me up???
to top it off bookworm won't load on my computer...boredboredboerd...
I have always been a believer in the power of dreams…just not mine. I don’t know why, but for some reason, my dreams seem so frail and powerless. They never seem to find the light of day no matter how hard I wish it to. It’s not that I envision things too grand for myself, or hope for the impossible to happen, but still, I dream.
Actually, I have a very simple dream…it’s just to be happy. That’s it. It’s not that I don’t strive hard to achieve it, it’s just that it never happens. All I want is to wake up in the morning and smile knowing that everything is under control and that there is a greater power that allows everything to fall into place…to find pleasure in the simple things in life…to feel as free as a butterfly as it floats away with all its splendor and beauty. It’s a simple dream…
Sometimes I get jealous of those whose dreams have the power to come alive and change their lives. When I see others achieve them and mine is still beyond my grasp, I just want to stop believing that dreams do have the power to change your destiny. In spite of it all though, I keep on dreaming and hoping that one day, my stars will also fall in place, just like those of others.
Then again I wonder, who’s to say which way destiny should go? Are we forever locked in a path dreamt for us by others? Must we remain in the mold set for us? Or are we limited by the truths surrounding our birth? If my happiness lies within my destiny, why then must it remain an elusive reality for me?
I must say that the greatest rival of dreams is regret…the regret of not trying hard enough, or maybe the regret of trying too hard. Or worse still, regretting who you really are and the past that comes with you. Whichever way you look at it, regret really tears down dreams and leaves them powerless and weak. However beyond the shadow of regret lies the beauty of a rainbow, working hard to break through the barrier of gray. No matter how light and faded the colors may be, it’s still there.
I suppose this is a reality for many who, like me, remain dreamers in spite of life’s bitter disappointments. I guess the lure of the fairy world is still stronger than the harsh realities faced daily. Greater still I must say, is the desire to find a better tomorrow and to take charge of one’s destiny.
Where now lies the power for change? Is it in my dreams? Is it washed upon the shores as tides set it? Or is it the other way around…do dreams lie upon the shore and wait for the tide to come in and wash them away? Wherever it may be, there is one thing for sure I know. I know that I am tired of looking at a pattern in my life and trying to fit myself in. I’m sick of living up to the dreams others dream for me. And I don’t want to wait for my star to shine anymore.
In the end I realized that believing in the power of dreams is not enough. It’s actually believing in the dream itself that makes it happen. The power lies not within the dream…it lies within my heart. So as I take my dreams into my hands, I give myself the power to change my destiny.
I have decided it is time for me to take my rightful place under the sun and smile. And so for now I dream. And I believe.
So much for "friendster blogging is enough for me" hehehe...i guess to many dreams, to many gripes, so much to say, no one to listen kinda got the better of me! or so i thought. in the past few months i've put my heart, mind and soul on display on my account not really realizing how far and beyond it goes. sure i knew my friends read it but it wasn't till my co-workers and old classmates commented that it either inspired them, made them laugh, and yes, even infuriated them that i realized other people did read it. anyway, to make a long story short, it made me remember a childhood dream i had: to be a writer. sure this isn't the new york times bestseller list, but you'll never know!
So to you who dares, welcome to dreamland. Don't worry...no nightmares here ;-)
